A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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