This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Cover your peen. We're going out.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
