Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
