you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
