I accidentally burped into my bong.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
