Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
