My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
