Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
