I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
