How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
