My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
