There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
