I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
