their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
