1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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