I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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