I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
We're too hungover to prance.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
