420 ftw
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
