ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
