why didn't you poke me back
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
