Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
