speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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