I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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