I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
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