i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
