every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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