Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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