I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
