if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize