when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Well I just put wine in my tea
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
