I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
