i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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