sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
No I am not eating basil off your cock
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
