Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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