Your tits are I can't wait for
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
