Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
