a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
