I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
