the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
