hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
