she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
