Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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