Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
