i jhust puked up my retainher.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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