is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Sober January is a disaster.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I have surprise drugs for everyone
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
