So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
