Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
