"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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