Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
