we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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