he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Why can't burritos get me drunk
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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