At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
