Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
