I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize