My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
