then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
did i just pee glitter
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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