I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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