she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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