Umm I'm too high to move.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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