Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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