i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
