is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
