we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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