Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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