im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
