New low: just hacked my moms facebook
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
