It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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