Screwed.edu
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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