Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
What changed your mind?
Being sober
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
