one two three fourrrrnication!
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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