Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
