he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
