So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
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