I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize