We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
