My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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