If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
