Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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