new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I wish i was in the wii world.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Drunk walkin through police station. America
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize